You say, "Trust." I say, "Trust what?"

For as long as I can remember, I've heard people say, "Trust God," "Trust the process," "Trust." And while it seemed like a good idea intellectually, I never really got it. In fact most of the time, the whole idea kinda pissed me off. If I was scared or worried or overwhelmed and somebody said "Trust God,"  I secretly thought, "For what? Am I trusting God to keep something bad from happening to me or someone I love? Is God, my Higher Self, or 'the process' (whatever that means) gonna rush in and fix this thing up for me to my liking? And if not, what's the point? What is my trusting for?"

I have lived enough life to know that bad stuff, unwanted stuff happens ... you know ... shocking things, things that happen no matter how well I plan, strategize, and try to prevent them, no matter how hard I work to clean up my "vibration," my "point of attraction," in hopes of avoiding such things. Bad stuff happens anyway. Life happens - complete with unexplained illnesses, career failures, untimely deaths, and losses so unexpected, so heartbreaking that I wonder how a loving God could ever allow such things. And why would trusting such a God ever make any sense?  And if it doesn't work that way, if there isn't a God "up there" orchestrating things on my behalf, then what is it that I'm supposed to trust and why? Some say it's karma or my Higher Self and that painful events are all about lessons or mirrors for what I'm holding in my unconscious ...... blah, blah, blah. No matter what you call it, it still sounds unloving and punitive to me, and like yet another, all too human, lame-ass attempt to make sense of life's inherent tragedies and suffering.

Lately though, it seems as if someone, life, has cracked open a little window for me and shed some light on this whole subject of trust. I've realized that maybe I'm not being asked to trust that life won't hurt, that bad stuff won't happen, or that something, someone, or even my own machinations can save me from life's heartbreaks, but that the heartbreaks themselves are the key. I can pretty much trust that in this life, my heart will break. And when it does, the shell, the protective armour I've placed around my heart, will break as well. And if I can stand it, if I can bear it, to let it break open, and break open some more, its breaking will open me to the most reliable, trustable source of love there is - the love that's in my own heart, the love that's in me, the love that is me.

And so now I'm starting to get it. Even though I can't trust God, my Higher Self, or anyone else to fix things up so I don't have to hurt, and while I can't count on myself to control my own life, what I can trust is this ... life itself. With all it's unexpected tragedies, deaths, and failures, Life is always, always taking me where I truly want to go. It may not suit the desires of my ego, my desires for control, and "no bad stuff," but it speaks to the deeper desires and purposes of my heart - wholeness, freedom, love, peace, compassion, and Oneness.

If I can let go a little and trust in the not knowing why or where this is all going, I can feel my life marching me steadily, assuredly, persistently onward, challenging me to open as I go, asking for my surrender, and doing its part to deliver me, open me, and reconnect me with that which I really am . . .  Love.

And that, my friends, is worth trusting, no matter who or what you call it.


Shelly

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Mother's Day Wish

My wish for you on this Mother's Day, is that you take time to give yourself, a mother's love. And, that you give yourself the gentle, comforting, allowing, nurturing, unconditional acceptance that only a mother can.

Perhaps your own mother fell short in this regard. Her love for you was imperfect, as was her love for herself, and from her own mother. But there is love all around us - a nurturing that is always available as we surrender ourselves to the precious, present moment. The bird outside my window sings a lullaby just for me.The gentle rain seems to soothe me and wash away my tears. With the steady conscious rhythm of my breathing, I can rock myself to sleep.

It would have been nice if she had loved you perfectly and had been all the things you needed her to be. Perhaps if you have children of your own, you have found healing in loving them the way you always wanted to be loved. Perhaps you think, at times, that you have fallen short as well. But therein lies the grace and the opportunity; to open and surrender to the love that's within you, all around you, and to the love that's who you are

When you do this for yourself, you do it for us all.

Happy Mother Yourself Day,

Shelly


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My Former Self (a poem)

I miss her, 

the one who knew it all,

who never had a doubt,

who always had a point to prove.

Moxie,

fire!

She might have been scared,

but she'd never tell,

the girl who always, always

got back on the horse that threw her.

Oh, I do miss her!

What a friendly illusion she was,

full of vim and vigor,

But life came crashing down,

crash after crash,

and then she saw

that it wasn't real, 

that she,

wasn't real.

And then she died,

and I realized,

she didn't know much

after all.



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"Why Am I Here?", I asked.

"What is my purpose? Shouldn't I be more focused, more directed? Shouldn't I be doing something? Shouldn't I be on top of things, my life, what I want? Everybody seems to be doing it right but me. Please help."

And this is what I heard ...

You are here to love yourself. No one else can do it for you. Steve can love you, tell you you're wonderful, you're talented, you're terrific, but you will not believe it until you know it for yourself. This is your job.

It's your only job ... for now.

Love yourself. Come to terms with who you are.

Give yourself the love, attention, and approval you desire. You can do it when no one else can.

I am here for you always. My love for you is so immense, so vast ..... you cannot conceive it.

Do nothing.
Prove nothing.
Be still.

You are worthy. You are lovable .... just as you are.

But shouldn't I be helping others, focusing on my purpose?

It is not your job to save the world. It is not your job to save others.

I come to show you the way, a better way. I come to show you what's true. I come to be an example of light and love.

I do not come to condemn or correct nor do I come to chastise or admonish.

I come to remind you that you are love, that the kingdom of heaven is within you, that all that you seek ... you are.

But aren't we here to serve others?

You cannot serve others if you don't know who you are. There is just projection and your own agenda.

Stand in the truth of who you are and there will be very little to say and very little to do.

Your doingness is ego-driven. It's all about making things happen, controlling life, controlling what happens to you.

You are tired and it is good.

Rest yourself. Seek peace. Seek quiet. Seek comfort in your own beingness.

Beingness knows the way. Beingness is the way. Within Beingness is everything you need and all that you are searching for.

There is nowhere else to go, nowhere else to get to, nowhere else to look.

Relax ... And be.


- you are done.



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Labels or Love?

I don't know which I enjoy doing more, ruffling the feathers of my non-Christian friends by talking about Jesus or ruffling the feathers of my Christian friends by talking about "the Universe." Maybe it's the devil in me, but I feel the need to do both from time to time. Or, maybe it's just because I hate to see labels, which we really intend to bring us closer to Love, in fact create separation between us and other people, and therefore separation between us and the Divine.

We all want the same things. We want to be healthy, whole, and prosperous. We want to feel loved. We want to know love and be love. We want ourselves and our loved ones to be safe and healthy and happy. We want to be appreciated and accepted for who we are. We want to be respected for our beliefs and feel safe in sharing those beliefs.

All of our beliefs, all of our opinions, all of the decisions we make and actions we take, are intended to support our happiness and the love and well-being that we are seeking. We are all entitled to pursue this happiness.

For me the problem lies in identifying with a group and wearing the identity of my group like a suit, so I can distinguish myself from other people in different groups, who wear different suits. Identifying myself with a certain group, that has certain beliefs, often evolves into feeling as though I have to defend those beliefs, defend myself, and defend my group. Granted there's a certain comfort in being part of a group, a security and stability, an innate human desire to be part of a tribe. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But there's something about a label that inherently separates us, distinguishes us from those "other people" who don't share that label. It automatically says, "I am this and if you are not, then you must be that."

Too many wars, too much human suffering has happened as a result of this, "I am this, you are that. I am right so you have to be wrong," kind of thinking. And that's what doesn't feel good to me.

When I am quiet, still, and with myself and that which I call God, my Higher Self, or whatever name I give the Divine, I'm filled to the brim with loving patience, peace, and a sense of goodness, safety, and well-being. In that place, there is no room for mental chatter, so there's certainly no room for beliefs, opinions, or thoughts about what anybody else is doing or should be doing. I never hear the voice of love say, "Don't hang out with those people," or "Those people are wrong, don't talk to them," or "I think you should disagree with them," or "They are wrong for not believing the way that you do."

Ridiculous! All I have ever heard from the voice of spirit is, "You are loved. I love you. You are perfect. You are whole. You are complete. Forgive." I am suspicious of any voice claiming to represent the God of love if it sounds anything less than loving. That just doesn't make good sense.

I don't think love, God, the Divine, Jehovah, Allah, Jesus Christ, our Higher Selves, the Virgin Mary, or the goddess Quan Yin is, was, or ever will be about separation. That's all I'm saying.

Now having said all that, I hope I haven't pissed anybody off too bad . . . . . . (tee-hee-hee).

Shelly

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Non-Love ... The Only Real Problem

I'm learning that the only thing that stops me from feeling good ... is me.  It's not my job, the lack of money, my health, my partner, or my social life that affects my good feelings, but my feelings about those things. And more importantly, my feelings about myself with regards to those things.

I would be the last person in the world to judge you for feeling scared about money, frustrated about your health, or angry at your partner. So please don't hear that you're doing it wrong if you're feeling these things.

In fact, I'd say that allowing ourselves to acknowledge these feelings is the best place to start. But often, that's the tricky part. If you're anything like me, you start suppressing your feelings before you're even aware of them. It's an automatic, mostly unconscious response, a habit we've created to defend against bad feelings. Left suppressed and unacknowledged, discomfort grows. You then might start trying to figure out what you're feeling, why you're feeling it, and start trying to fix it. You might even engage in some technique you've learned to get rid of your negative feelings.

While all of these efforts are well-intentioned, they all smack of the same thing  ... non-love. They say, "I don't like you feeling. Get out of here. You don't feel good." And, underneath it all is, "I don't like you Shelly, when you feel this way. What's wrong with you? Why can't you fix this? Why can't you be happy?" I wasn't aware of this for a long time. It's subtle. But I've noticed with myself and in my work with others, that underneath that first layer of feelings, is a disapproval of ourselves for having them.

Using non-love strategies to get rid of non-love feelings just doesn't work.

Only love works. Only love heals. Only love can transform non-love energy. Maybe loving my angry feelings or my fearful feelings is a stretch. Maybe I can't love myself when I feel stuck or depressed. But I can start with forgiving myself, allowing myself, and just letting myself be. I can be with myself, comfort myself, and wait for that still small voice which says, "It's going to be okay." Because it always comes, eventually, if I just sit with myself and be with myself, right where I am.

So when I say that I'm the only reason I don't feel good, it's because I've learned that beating up on myself, resisting what's happening, and judging it as wrong, is the only real reason for my unhappiness. My unhappiness is merely a symptom of non-love. And while I agree that loving myself, accepting myself, my life or my situation, the way it is, is not always easy, there's freedom and power in knowing I have a choice .... the choice to love, the choice to open to love, the choice to surrender to love, no matter what.

Much, much love and approval to you, wherever you are and whatever you're feeling,

Shelly
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