You say, "Trust." I say, "Trust what?"

For as long as I can remember, I've heard people say, "Trust God," "Trust the process," "Trust." And while it seemed like a good idea intellectually, I never really got it. In fact most of the time, the whole idea kinda pissed me off. If I was scared or worried or overwhelmed and somebody said "Trust God,"  I secretly thought, "For what? Am I trusting God to keep something bad from happening to me or someone I love? Is God, my Higher Self, or 'the process' (whatever that means) gonna rush in and fix this thing up for me to my liking? And if not, what's the point? What is my trusting for?"

I have lived enough life to know that bad stuff, unwanted stuff happens ... you know ... shocking things, things that happen no matter how well I plan, strategize, and try to prevent them, no matter how hard I work to clean up my "vibration," my "point of attraction," in hopes of avoiding such things. Bad stuff happens anyway. Life happens - complete with unexplained illnesses, career failures, untimely deaths, and losses so unexpected, so heartbreaking that I wonder how a loving God could ever allow such things. And why would trusting such a God ever make any sense?  And if it doesn't work that way, if there isn't a God "up there" orchestrating things on my behalf, then what is it that I'm supposed to trust and why? Some say it's karma or my Higher Self and that painful events are all about lessons or mirrors for what I'm holding in my unconscious ...... blah, blah, blah. No matter what you call it, it still sounds unloving and punitive to me, and like yet another, all too human, lame-ass attempt to make sense of life's inherent tragedies and suffering.

Lately though, it seems as if someone, life, has cracked open a little window for me and shed some light on this whole subject of trust. I've realized that maybe I'm not being asked to trust that life won't hurt, that bad stuff won't happen, or that something, someone, or even my own machinations can save me from life's heartbreaks, but that the heartbreaks themselves are the key. I can pretty much trust that in this life, my heart will break. And when it does, the shell, the protective armour I've placed around my heart, will break as well. And if I can stand it, if I can bear it, to let it break open, and break open some more, its breaking will open me to the most reliable, trustable source of love there is - the love that's in my own heart, the love that's in me, the love that is me.

And so now I'm starting to get it. Even though I can't trust God, my Higher Self, or anyone else to fix things up so I don't have to hurt, and while I can't count on myself to control my own life, what I can trust is this ... life itself. With all it's unexpected tragedies, deaths, and failures, Life is always, always taking me where I truly want to go. It may not suit the desires of my ego, my desires for control, and "no bad stuff," but it speaks to the deeper desires and purposes of my heart - wholeness, freedom, love, peace, compassion, and Oneness.

If I can let go a little and trust in the not knowing why or where this is all going, I can feel my life marching me steadily, assuredly, persistently onward, challenging me to open as I go, asking for my surrender, and doing its part to deliver me, open me, and reconnect me with that which I really am . . .  Love.

And that, my friends, is worth trusting, no matter who or what you call it.


Shelly

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Mother's Day Wish

My wish for you on this Mother's Day, is that you take time to give yourself, a mother's love. And, that you give yourself the gentle, comforting, allowing, nurturing, unconditional acceptance that only a mother can.

Perhaps your own mother fell short in this regard. Her love for you was imperfect, as was her love for herself, and from her own mother. But there is love all around us - a nurturing that is always available as we surrender ourselves to the precious, present moment. The bird outside my window sings a lullaby just for me.The gentle rain seems to soothe me and wash away my tears. With the steady conscious rhythm of my breathing, I can rock myself to sleep.

It would have been nice if she had loved you perfectly and had been all the things you needed her to be. Perhaps if you have children of your own, you have found healing in loving them the way you always wanted to be loved. Perhaps you think, at times, that you have fallen short as well. But therein lies the grace and the opportunity; to open and surrender to the love that's within you, all around you, and to the love that's who you are

When you do this for yourself, you do it for us all.

Happy Mother Yourself Day,

Shelly


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My Former Self (a poem)

I miss her, 

the one who knew it all,

who never had a doubt,

who always had a point to prove.

Moxie,

fire!

She might have been scared,

but she'd never tell,

the girl who always, always

got back on the horse that threw her.

Oh, I do miss her!

What a friendly illusion she was,

full of vim and vigor,

But life came crashing down,

crash after crash,

and then she saw

that it wasn't real, 

that she,

wasn't real.

And then she died,

and I realized,

she didn't know much

after all.



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"Why Am I Here?", I asked.

"What is my purpose? Shouldn't I be more focused, more directed? Shouldn't I be doing something? Shouldn't I be on top of things, my life, what I want? Everybody seems to be doing it right but me. Please help."

And this is what I heard ...

You are here to love yourself. No one else can do it for you. Steve can love you, tell you you're wonderful, you're talented, you're terrific, but you will not believe it until you know it for yourself. This is your job.

It's your only job ... for now.

Love yourself. Come to terms with who you are.

Give yourself the love, attention, and approval you desire. You can do it when no one else can.

I am here for you always. My love for you is so immense, so vast ..... you cannot conceive it.

Do nothing.
Prove nothing.
Be still.

You are worthy. You are lovable .... just as you are.

But shouldn't I be helping others, focusing on my purpose?

It is not your job to save the world. It is not your job to save others.

I come to show you the way, a better way. I come to show you what's true. I come to be an example of light and love.

I do not come to condemn or correct nor do I come to chastise or admonish.

I come to remind you that you are love, that the kingdom of heaven is within you, that all that you seek ... you are.

But aren't we here to serve others?

You cannot serve others if you don't know who you are. There is just projection and your own agenda.

Stand in the truth of who you are and there will be very little to say and very little to do.

Your doingness is ego-driven. It's all about making things happen, controlling life, controlling what happens to you.

You are tired and it is good.

Rest yourself. Seek peace. Seek quiet. Seek comfort in your own beingness.

Beingness knows the way. Beingness is the way. Within Beingness is everything you need and all that you are searching for.

There is nowhere else to go, nowhere else to get to, nowhere else to look.

Relax ... And be.


- you are done.



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