Tuesday, May 21, 2013

My "Stuck" Problem

It started as it often does - a vague nagging sense that something is missing, a growing sense of frustration, stuckness, and the self-judgement that usually follows. "Really Shelly? Are we here again?" And, I feel what I think is resistance to something, but I don't know what.

I hear my own words, those I ask my clients. "Are you thinking you're having the wrong experience? Could you allow yourself to just be where you are right now?" And my answer is, "Hell no. I'm stuck. Again. And I shouldn't be." So I pull out my tools and I do the best I can. And yes, I find myself trying to fix it. I meditate. I give myself some compassion, as best I can, but I still don't like it. Finally I pray and ask for help. And I watch and wait. Nothin'. Nothing happens.

And then . . . I express my feelings to my partner. Turns out he has some feelings too and next thing you know we have ourselves a relationship problem. So we go to work on it. We go back and forth. We mirror each others' feelings. We hear the unloved parts of ourselves and each other. We do our best to take responsibility for our respective feelings and for this co-creation we call a relationship.

I get my buttons pushed. You know, the big ones - the ones that make me look and feel like a raving lunatic, like I'm on the brink of being annihilated or abandoned. But, as the buried feelings come up and out, the relief comes too. For my heart has been blasted open. And in that moment I'm reminded, once again, that it was the closure that hurt. And that's why I felt stuck and unfulfilled.

Once my heart had cracked open I could hear, with compassion, the truth, and what this issue had been all about. A wounded part of me still questioned her value, felt unloved, and wanted my partner, or something in my life, to fix it.

Once I acknowledged this truth, I settled into sort of a compassionate awareness, and thought, "OK. I can handle this. Knowing this truth is enough for now." So I went through my day feeling a little lighter, like a fog had been lifted. And while running some errands, I heard a man singing, at the top of his lungs, from a bench, in front of TJ Maxx. I stopped and listened. I told him he sounded great. And with the passion of an evangelical minister, he approached me and told me his story. He said he spent most of his nights, sleeping on that bench and eating what he found in the trash cans. But, "I am blessed. The spirit has blessed me," he declared. He said his family had deserted him, that they had had enough. "But that's OK," he says, "because I am blessed. I am a living, breathing blessing. And so are you." He showed me the needle marks on his arms. He said sometimes people gave him clothes or food and he was blessed. Over and over he said, "I am blessed. The spirit has blessed me. I am a living blessing and so are you. We are blessed by a God that loves us all the same. Yes, we are truly blessed."

I felt a little silly after that - about my "fight" with my boyfriend and for my "stuck" problem. But, then I realized that it doesn't really matter whether it's a beloved partner, a homeless person, or news of a tornado ripping through a community that could be my own. The God that's in me uses whatever is here, right now, to answer my prayers. And, I realized, once again, that whatever I'm praying for, can always be found, in the love and compassion of my own broken-open heart.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Today's Church

I was thinking of you all today as I had "church" by myself. To use our friend Sonja's words, "The wind was the choir, the sunshine gave the sermon, and I tithed an apple."

Today the horses gave the sermon. One stood at the fence and pined for the greener grass on the other side. Another made herself happy, finding the best grass where she was.

I recognized in myself, that there is room for both - the one who dreams of what can be and the one who is content with what is. And as I sit with both, allow myself to hold and embody both, I feel a sort of delicious tension.

Within that tension is a knowing and a promise, that if I can simply be with it, breathe with it, its energy will fuel my decisions and inspire my steps. And that the Force of it, the stirred up, unknown, creative potential of it, will deliver me exactly to where I most want to go.

And I find myself smiling, in utter gratitude, to be part of such a dance.

Missed you all today and hope to see you soon.

Much love,


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Monday, February 4, 2013

Women's Gathering


The Kingdom of Heaven is Within You
Monthly Women's Gathering

Beginning Sunday, February 17th, 2013
at 11:30 a.m.
in Pickens County, SC

What it is: We will experience firsthand, in our bodies, the truth of who we are. We will know ourselves as love, as peace, as freedom. We will talk less and feel more, because this knowing is not of the intellect. Instead, it is a felt knowing - in our bones, in our bodies, and in our hearts.

What it is not: This is not therapy. Although, it may be very therapeutic.

What will happen: We will reconnect with those aspects of self we tend to ignore - our bodies and our emotions. As we reconnect with our bodies, they will tell us what we really feel. Once we know what we really feel, we can learn to open our hearts to ourselves and the truth of our emotional experience. It is through this process of opening to ourselves and to the feelings we tend to suppress, that we learn to open more deeply, and deeper still. And, it is through this depth of opening that we uncover that which has been there all along - the love and compassion and peace that we are.

How we will do this: Through very natural, practical, and easeful means, in a beautiful, peaceful setting.

Logistical Information: If you need directions, please contact me at 864/933-8000 or email me at shellyascoach@gmail.com. We will meet on my property in Pickens County. There are no restrooms, but there is a Port O'John on the premises. Please dress comfortably and in layers. Rain Dates: At times, we may need to cancel due to inclement weather or poor site conditions. Rain dates will typically be the following Sunday, the fourth Sunday of the month. Please subscribe to my mailing list by emailing me at shellyascoach@gmail.com and simply typing "subscribe" in the subject box. That way you will receive notice about cancellations or other news.

If you have any furthur questions, please do not hesisitate to contact me.

I hope to see you very soon,



Tuesday, January 1, 2013

My New Year's Wish For You

On this New Year's Day, may your every wish come true. May you be blessed with financial prosperity, radiant health, and loving relationships. May peace be your constant companion and may love be the guiding force of your life.

May you be filled with a knowing that no matter what happens, you are eternal, you are love, and that which is love never dies. May you know in your bones that every kindness, every act of compassion toward yourself, a feeling, or another, grounds you more deeply in who you are and reconnects you with the Source of infinite possibilities.

You are that which you seek. You already are that which you can imagine.

Dream big. You are the stuff from which whole worlds are born, from which light comes, from which radical transformation takes place in the blink of an eye.

Make your list. Check it twice. And make sure you're asking for enough for yourself.

Like my good friend's beloved grandmother once told her, "The very very best that you can imagine, is barely good enough for you," I am here to remind you that you deserve all that you wish for - and more.

So love yourself. Love your dreams. And know that I am here with you, cheering for you. But not just for the granting of your wishes, but for the inherent beauty of your wishing. For within your wishing, your asking, is a declaration of your own love and an acknowledgement of yourself as deserving creator.

And when you own your own particular dreams, those that are unique to you, you give the rest of us permission to do the same and you add a vital and precious piece to our collective dreaming.

So dream big. Don't be shy. And know that when you dream, you dream for us all.


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