My "Stuck" Problem

It started as it often does - a vague nagging sense that something is missing, a growing sense of frustration, stuckness, and the self-judgement that usually follows. "Really Shelly? Are we here again?" And, I feel what I think is resistance to something, but I don't know what.

I hear my own words, those I ask my clients. "Are you thinking you're having the wrong experience? Could you allow yourself to just be where you are right now?" And my answer is, "Hell no. I'm stuck. Again. And I shouldn't be." So I pull out my tools and I do the best I can. And yes, I find myself trying to fix it. I meditate. I give myself some compassion, as best I can, but I still don't like it. Finally I pray and ask for help. And I watch and wait. Nothin'. Nothing happens.

And then . . . I express my feelings to my partner. Turns out he has some feelings too and next thing you know we have ourselves a relationship problem. So we go to work on it. We go back and forth. We mirror each others' feelings. We hear the unloved parts of ourselves and each other. We do our best to take responsibility for our respective feelings and for this co-creation we call a relationship.

I get my buttons pushed. You know, the big ones - the ones that make me look and feel like a raving lunatic, like I'm on the brink of being annihilated or abandoned. But, as the buried feelings come up and out, the relief comes too. For my heart has been blasted open. And in that moment I'm reminded, once again, that it was the closure that hurt. And that's why I felt stuck and unfulfilled.

Once my heart had cracked open I could hear, with compassion, the truth, and what this issue had been all about. A wounded part of me still questioned her value, felt unloved, and wanted my partner, or something in my life, to fix it.

Once I acknowledged this truth, I settled into sort of a compassionate awareness, and thought, "OK. I can handle this. Knowing this truth is enough for now." So I went through my day feeling a little lighter, like a fog had been lifted. And while running some errands, I heard a man singing, at the top of his lungs, from a bench, in front of TJ Maxx. I stopped and listened. I told him he sounded great. And with the passion of an evangelical minister, he approached me and told me his story. He said he spent most of his nights, sleeping on that bench and eating what he found in the trash cans. But, "I am blessed. The spirit has blessed me," he declared. He said his family had deserted him, that they had had enough. "But that's OK," he says, "because I am blessed. I am a living, breathing blessing. And so are you." He showed me the needle marks on his arms. He said sometimes people gave him clothes or food and he was blessed. Over and over he said, "I am blessed. The spirit has blessed me. I am a living blessing and so are you. We are blessed by a God that loves us all the same. Yes, we are truly blessed."

I felt a little silly after that - about my "fight" with my boyfriend and for my "stuck" problem. But, then I realized that it doesn't really matter whether it's a beloved partner, a homeless person, or news of a tornado ripping through a community that could be my own. The God that's in me uses whatever is here, right now, to answer my prayers. And, I realized, once again, that whatever I'm praying for, can always be found, in the love and compassion of my own broken-open heart.

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Today's Church

I was thinking of you all today as I had "church" by myself. To use our friend Sonja's words, "The wind was the choir, the sunshine gave the sermon, and I tithed an apple."

Today the horses gave the sermon. One stood at the fence and pined for the greener grass on the other side. Another made herself happy, finding the best grass where she was.

I recognized in myself, that there is room for both - the one who dreams of what can be and the one who is content with what is. And as I sit with both, allow myself to hold and embody both, I feel a sort of delicious tension.

Within that tension is a knowing and a promise, that if I can simply be with it, breathe with it, its energy will fuel my decisions and inspire my steps. And that the Force of it, the stirred up, unknown, creative potential of it, will deliver me exactly to where I most want to go.

And I find myself smiling, in utter gratitude, to be part of such a dance.

Missed you all today and hope to see you soon.

Much love,

Shelly

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Women's Gathering

 ANNOUNCING . . .

The Kingdom of Heaven is Within You

Monthly Women's Gathering

Beginning Sunday, February 17th, 2013

at 11:30 a.m.

in Pickens County, SC

What it is: We will experience firsthand, in our bodies, the truth of who we are. We will know ourselves as love, as peace, as freedom. We will talk less and feel more, because this knowing is not of the intellect. Instead, it is a felt knowing - in our bones, in our bodies, and in our hearts.

What it is not: This is not therapy. Although, it may be very therapeutic.

What will happen: We will reconnect with those aspects of self we tend to ignore - our bodies and our emotions. As we reconnect with our bodies, they will tell us what we really feel. Once we know what we really feel, we can learn to open our hearts to ourselves and the truth of our emotional experience. It is through this process of opening to ourselves and to the feelings we tend to suppress, that we learn to open more deeply, and deeper still. And, it is through this depth of opening that we uncover that which has been there all along - the love and compassion and peace that we are.

How we will do this: Through very natural, practical, and easeful means, in a beautiful, peaceful setting.

Logistical Information: If you need directions, please contact me at 864/933-8000 or email me at shellyascoach@gmail.com. We will meet on my property in Pickens County. There are no restrooms, but there is a Port O'John on the premises. Please dress comfortably and in layers. Rain Dates: At times, we may need to cancel due to inclement weather or poor site conditions. Rain dates will typically be the following Sunday, the fourth Sunday of the month. Please subscribe to my mailing list by emailing me at shellyascoach@gmail.com and simply typing "subscribe" in the subject box. That way you will receive notice about cancellations or other news.

If you have any furthur questions, please do not hesisitate to contact me.

I hope to see you very soon,

Shelly

 

My New Year's Wish For You

On this New Year's Day, may your every wish come true. May you be blessed with financial prosperity, radiant health, and loving relationships. May peace be your constant companion and may love be the guiding force of your life.

May you be filled with a knowing that no matter what happens, you are eternal, you are love, and that which is love never dies. May you know in your bones that every kindness, every act of compassion toward yourself, a feeling, or another, grounds you more deeply in who you are and reconnects you with the Source of infinite possibilities.

You are that which you seek. You already are that which you can imagine.

Dream big. You are the stuff from which whole worlds are born, from which light comes, from which radical transformation takes place in the blink of an eye.

Make your list. Check it twice. And make sure you're asking for enough for yourself.

Like my good friend's beloved grandmother once told her, "The very very best that you can imagine, is barely good enough for you," I am here to remind you that you deserve all that you wish for - and more.

So love yourself. Love your dreams. And know that I am here with you, cheering for you. But not just for the granting of your wishes, but for the inherent beauty of your wishing. For within your wishing, your asking, is a declaration of your own love and an acknowledgement of yourself as deserving creator.

And when you own your own particular dreams, those that are unique to you, you give the rest of us permission to do the same and you add a vital and precious piece to our collective dreaming.

So dream big. Don't be shy. And know that when you dream, you dream for us all.

Shelly



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Your Light

In this season of the winter's solstice, may you find light amidst the darkness. May you be filled with a quiet knowing that, that which you fear, that which you resist, that which you see as dark about yourself or others, contains within it your path to illumination.

Darkness cannot thrive in the light of your compassionate awareness. It cannot fester when held in loving kindness.

There is nothing so dark in you that I have not acknowledged within myself. I've known terror. I've known rage. I have known self-hatred and pain so great that I just didn't want to be here anymore - in a body or on this planet.

And yet amidst all of that darkness there was light - ever present, always in me, waiting for me to learn how to access its transformative power to heal all that was and is not love.

In this season, may you birth forth the light that is in you, the light that is you. Regardless of your spiritual tradition, you can take a hint from the one that is said to have been born in a stable, amidst the animals, and animal poop, and all things earthy. 

Birthing the light that is in you doesn't usually happen under sanitary, already light-filled, smooth sailing conditions. It often happens when you're alone and in the dark and when it smells so bad that you're finally humbled enough to let go and ask for help.

And when you do, know that I am here, that I know who you are, and I know the way home.

I love you,

Shelly

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A Heart of Compassion

Whatever it is that you think is the problem, is really just a call for more love.

When you have a problem you try to figure it out, analyze it, and strategize your way into fixing it. In solving the problem you believe you can return to a place of peace and preproblem ok-ness. But what if the real peace and ok-ness you seek doesn't lie in the temporary solving of a problem or in the successful manipulation of outer events? What if the real peace and ok-ness you seek lies deep in the inner recesses of your own heart?

Your desire to solve a problem is driven by your need to feel better, to feel solid again, and like everything is back in its rightful place. But haven't you noticed that these good feelings are temporary and sooner or later there is a new problem or at least a new version of the old one?

Underneath the desire to conquer the problem lies the desire to quell the feelings that it stirs up - feelings like uncertainty, frustration, helplessness, and a lack of control. These are scary feelings. And, it's all too human to want to do something to fix them. But what if there was something you could do with the feelings that was deeper and longer lasting than just fixing the problem so the feelings would go away?  And what if feeling better wasn't dependent on whether you fixed the problem or not? What if you could use the problem and the resulting feelings as a way to take you closer to home - as a way to reconnect you with the peace and well-being that's who you really are?

The answer lies within your own heart and in the bottomless well of compassion that waits for you there. Unlike other feelings that come and go, compassion is hard-wired into your heart circuitry. It is a constant. It is always available to you and contains within it the capacity to transform all negative feelings

If you have the courage to confront the scary feelings that your problem evokes, then you are one step closer to real freedom. When you can allow yourself to simply be with yourself and acknowledge the truth of all of your feelings, you acknowledge your own humanness. You might notice some self-judgement. You might notice some resistance to the unpleasant feelings, but that's human too. Whatever you feel, whatever you notice, see if you'd be willing to extend to yourself and your feelings a little compassion. When you knock on the door of compassion it always opens, for compassion never goes away. It never vacillates. It's always there for the taking. It's who you are.

So celebrate your problems. Celebrate the feelings that come up. They are calling you, beckoning you. They say, "Love me. Listen to me. I want to go home."


Shelly

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Beyond the Question of Being or Doing

When you are doing from your being there is no effort. There is no trying. Being is who you are. Being is not just something that you do when you take time out to meditate or quiet yourself. Carving out a spot in your day so you can check it off your list, is still doing even if what you say you're doing is being. You see? It has within it an energy of ego-decision. "Oh, I'm going to meditate now and be."

When I hear friends say, "Thank you for reminding me to have balance, to take time for being instead of so much doing," I realize they are still missing the point. They are still seeing the issue from a westernized duality - doing or being, as if it's one or the other.

Being doesn't negate doing. Nor does doing negate being. In observing the animals and in feeling into those around me, wild and domestic, it's easy to feel their "no conflict" with this issue. The birds are busy, flying here and there, to and from the feeders. The horses eat grass, walk to their water, and play games with each other. All the while they are expressing from the ALL, that which they are and that which they've never lost their connection to.

Their teaching is this:

You are what you are. In expressing and being fully in what you are, you have unlimited internal resources. You draw your wisdom and your energy from the All. You feel yourself as an expression of the All. You are the All. And everything that is, you are also. The more you rest in this, this truth, this way, this knowing, the lighter you feel, because the All carries the energy for you. It does the work. It moves the mountains. You don't have to.

So as best you can, allow your doing to flow from the Source of power that is you. Consider adopting the animal-way and let your doing flow without effort, without trying, from the deep well of that which you are - infinite power, infinite love, and infinite well-being.

 

Being love with you,

Shelly

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The Longest Journey

The longest journey that you'll ever take, is the one that you make from your head to your heart.

Happy trails from a friend and fellow traveler,
Shelly

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The Truth About Love

You can't give love
that you don't have

You can't receive love
that you don't have

The question is not, Are you
giving or receiving,
but . . .

Are you?


Being in love with you,
Shelly

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When All Else Fails

When all else fails . . .

See if you can simply allow yourself to be
exactly where you are
right now
in this moment.

See if you can allow yourself to feel
however you feel
about where you are
about yourself for being where you are
as best you can.

And see if you can give yourself
some compassion
for having an all-too-human experience
and for having all-too-human feelings about it.

Oh,
and by the way . . .
you don't have to wait until "all else fails"
to give any of the above
a try.

From my heart to yours,
Shelly

What I Know About You

Whatever you're doing . . . is good enough.

Whatever you're feeling . . . is totally understandable.

Whoever you are . . . is perfection,

in this moment and always.

  Shelly

Special October Love Offering

Now scheduling *FREE* Peace and Well-Being sessions all month long!!!

Dear Fabulous Friends,

This cooler weather finds me feeling frisky. And despite all the glorious opportunities that it presents, I find nothing more fulfilling or inspiring than working. For me this means lying in the grass or sitting by the stream and helping my fabulous friends feel more peace, more love, and more freedom.

For me, playing with energy is fun - not work. I'm kinda weird that way. And when I can show a friend how easy it is and how fun it is to connect with energy and convert it, I am thrilled.

For this reason I'm wanting to "work" as much as possible in the month of October. So much so that I'm willing to do it for free. (Of course, I'd love it if, as a result, you wanted to work with me more in the future or spread the word to your friends. But mostly, I just want to feel the work flowing through me).

When I help you achieve peace, I feel peaceful. When I help you release the critical voice in your head, I release it for myself. When I help you bask in your own love, we bask together. And isn't it nice to know that we're in this "energy soup" together and that together we can remember that what we are seeking is right here inside of us, right now.

Freedom, peace, and happiness really is free! Hallelujah!

Please call soon (864/933-8000) to secure your spot on October's calendar.

Love and blessings to you always,

Shelly

P.S. Please feel free to pass this on to your like-minded friends. I will offer this to them as long as space is available.

Tension is who you think you should be.

Relaxation is who you are.

      - Chinese Proverb

In case you missed it, please see my previous article on this topic: Tension Is ... dated March 21, 2012.

Spiritual Teachings and Life Lessons From a Horse Named Brown

For almost twenty years my horse Brown and I have shared a living space. Her pasture is, in essence, my front yard. I often see her standing in her barn or under the big oak tree as I stand at my kitchen sink to wash dishes or prepare a meal. At those times she often feels me watching her and will break her meditation to raise her head to look for me. She seems to look right at me, even though she can't really see me through the kitchen window. This has happened with such clockwork predictability, that I have come to accept as fact, her ability to feel me and my feelings toward her, from a distance.

Over the years I've observed Brown as she goes about her daily life. I've noticed when she eats, rests, and drinks water. I've watched while she developed a significant relationship with an oak tree, before she had a herd of horse friends. I've watched her respond to and cope with the changes in her world - a shift in the wind, a new herd member, the loss of a loved one, the change of seasons, getting older.

I've been a horsewoman my entire life, but it wasn't until sharing my living space with Brown, that I noticed how much horses have to teach me. With more opportunities to study her and her way of being up close and personal, and by sharing some common tragedies and challenges, I have, over time, absorbed some of her wisdom. I have gleaned some of the great horse lessons from a master teacher. 

Becoming more horselike has helped me to meet life's challenges with more grace, more compassion, and more trust. I often ask myself, "What would Brown do?" And the answer usually involves more about being and less about doing.

Brown is fully grounded in this world, but not completely of it. She is solidly rooted in her body, in the now. Her genius lies in being fully present in this world, while simultaneously feeling with and responding to promptings from other worlds, other times, and other dimensions. She hears voices I cannot hear. She knows things I cannot know. Her sensitivity to the shifts in energy around her informs her decisions and ensures her survival. The things she feels and senses as a matter of course throughout her daily life, are barely detectable to me.

I am so grateful for and humbled by this remarkable creature. Everything she has taught me has made me who I am and has contributed to this online journal, my work, and my offering to the world.

Over the years I've made mental notes as I've watched her and learned from her. Recently, I've started writing things down as her subtle teachings have become clearer to me. And I've started putting them on a blog that I've created in her honor, so that others can benefit from her wisdom. I only hope I have done her justice. I only hope that my words adequately convey the depth and beautiful simplicity of her way of being in this world. 

The blog is called www.brownhorsewisdom.com. If you want, you can sign up to receive new bits of her wisdom automatically.

Her first post is a fine example of how her teachings have inspired me. I want to share it, since it resonates so well with the recent entries on this site.

Brown says, "Do what you do while you're doing it, and don't worry about what you're not doing while you're not doing it." 

Lots of love,

Shelly and Brown

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Doing versus Not Doing

I was complaining to my partner one night that I had not accomplished very much the day before. My body hurt, my back was tired, and even though I didn't feel physically like doing very much, I still felt like I should have accomplished more. I was feeling a little unproductive, lost, and worthless.

After listening for awhile he said, "Why don't you just give yourself a break and act like you're on vacation?" And I said, "You mean, just do nothing?" And he said, "Well yeah."

My mind went blank. It came to a screeching halt. And then I caught myself thinking, "What? Is he crazy? How can I justify acting like I'm on vacation? How can I reconcile being at home, with so much stuff to do, so many things to fix, problems to resolve, and then just do nothing?" And then I realized that if we went away, went on an actual vacation, I would allow myself to relax and do only what I really wanted to do, eat the foods I wanted to eat, and have no real expectations of myself. I would let myself, you know, have fun. Enjoy myself. Enjoy the present moment, knowing there is nothing I have to fix right this minute. And I wouldn't feel guilty about what I wasn't accomplishing.

When I reflected back on my "worthless day," I realized that I was either a) thinking about what I should be doing, but judging myself for not doing it, or b) pushing myself to get it done faster, so that I could get to the next thing I thought I should be doing. In either case I wasn't having a very good time. And, my back ached and my legs were tired.

So I decided that I could afford one day to experiment - to stay at home while trying on my vacation self. You know, assume the position of doing nothing except that which pleased me. So the next day, I woke up and reminded myself that I was on vacation. I lounged in bed, meditated, found my center, my peace, and my own love. I basked in the beauty of my home, my life, and my present moment. And I waited. I reminded myself, again, that there was nothing I had to do, because I was on vacation. And then, ever so gently, a surprising thing happened. I found myself writing a blog post. Actually, it seemed to be writing me. And then I wrote another. And then another. Effortlessly. 

And then I got out of bed and fed my horses. I treated each horse's hooves - a typically daunting task considering my current back trouble. But you know what? I took my time. I listened to my body. I enjoyed the process, instead of taking my usual "get it done" approach. And surprise surprise! My back didn't hurt. My legs weren't weak and tired, and I wasn't worn out afterwards.

Moral of the story? Doing, in and of itself, is not the problem. Not doing is not the problem. The problem and its solution lies within my relationship with myself while I'm doing or not doing. Am I in a space of love and connection to Self as evidenced by a sense of ease and flow? Or, am I feeling stressed? Stress indicates collusion with my ego - the part of me that says I should, I ought to, I need to, and if I don't . . .  well, something bad is sure to happen. 

So what thoughts and feelings come up for you if I say, "Why don't you give yourself a break? Stop all of your doing. Take a vacation." And I don't mean the kind of vacation we Americans normally take. (You know the kind - we slot a week or two a year to allow ourselves to escape the self-induced stress and tedium of our daily lives). I mean the kind of vacation you can do at home - a vacation from worry, from obligation, from shoulds and ought to's, from trying so hard.

How does it feel to decide, just for one day, that nurturing your relationship with your Self, is the most important thing you could ever tend to, the most important thing you could ever do? And what if you then allowed all of your doing or not doing to evolve naturally from that? 

Just a thought.

Loving you whether you're doing or not,

Shelly

Postponing Happiness

If you take a moment right now to breathe and be still, what do you notice? Do you feel an open, soft, and allowing sense of peace and well-being? An ease? A sense of being in love or held in a space of love? If so, in this moment, you are living and breathing the truth of who you are. If not, you have temporarily forgotten.

If you're anything like me, you often feel a certain amount of tension. Sometimes it's obvious. Other times it's barely detectable. In either case, this tension is a symptom of resistance - resistance to who you really are. It is the ego at work. It's making sure you stay in relationship with it, making sure you identify with it, instead of remembering the truth. When the ego is in charge, you may feel a sense of pushing - efforting to get somewhere, to get something. If you stop and ask yourself why you're pushing, you'll find that there's a belief that your efforts will eventually deliver you to a greater happiness and peace than what you have now. You believe that when you accomplish ____, have more money, solve your health or relationship problem, you can then feel at peace or loved or safe. 

This journal entry is a loving reminder that the happiness you are seeking, that this "better place" is not "out there." It doesn't lie in some future event or accomplishment. Your ego wants you to believe that you will one day get what you want through strategy, effort, and control. It says that if you just keep working at it and working at it hard enough, you will get to some magical place in which you will finally feel better. It's a trick. And it's a lie.

The happiness, peace, and well-being that you're looking for, that we're all looking for, lies not in your efforts, or in the crafting of your life through your will, but in your willingness to surrender to the glorious Now. If you can surrender to Now, to the truth, you might first encounter the suppressed emotions that are driving all of your doing. If you can continue to surrender to the layers of feelings that come up, you will eventually arrive at the endless peace that lives at the center of it all - the peace that is your true nature.

So, when you catch yourself feeling less than open, loving, and happy, ask yourself if you are postponing your happiness until some future event happens. And if so, ask yourself if you'd rather postpone your happiness until  ______ happens or would you rather be your happiness now?

Loads of love,

Shelly

Breaking Open

My heart is breaking open,

and as it breaks, 

there is only love.

Only love feeds me.

Only love fuels me.

I've lived my whole life on adrenaline,

or some such fuel.

But now it's gone, depleted.

It had a shelf life ... apparently.

The resources of my youth:

my willpower,

the drive,

the buck-up-and-forge-ahead ...

all gone.

I reach for it,

but it's not there.

I reach again, 

but it hurts.

So I let it break.

I let it break open.

And all that's left ...

is love.

   ~~~~~~~~~

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The Unopened Heart

The unopened heart aches for your surrender:
to its sorrows, its disappointments,
its fears,
and to your deepest dreams and desires.
But most of all, it wants you to know
the pulsating aliveness of yourself
as love.


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More From the Heart

   The pain in your chest says,

   "I need you and you need me.

   Listen,

   I am here,

   I know the way home."

            ~~~~

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The Ache

The ache in my chest,

my constant companion,

is so afraid,

afraid I'm going to leave.

I say,

I am here.

I'll never leave again.

And she softens

and says,

"I want to go home.

Please take me home."

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